Polishing my crystal balls

It’s that time of the year when pundits start taking their crystal balls down from the shelves and giving them a good polish as they start to wheel out their predictions for the year ahead.

The more outlandish the prediction, the more coverage it gets. The more outlandish the prediction, the more chance it’s total bollocks. And most pundits aren’t held to account, so that’s the way the world continues to turn.

I am not a pundit. I don’t mind being held to account. So here are my predictions for 2016

Drones

We will continue to see much PR hype from the likes of Amazon about how they are inventing super-intelligent drone-based delivery systems. The majority of my Amazon deliveries will continue to be delivered by presumably lowly-paid zero-hours sub-contracted staff bombing around the local streets in knackered old vans, leaving parcels “hidden” in plain sight in the pouring rain.

The one area where drones are likely to see an upswing is in the delivery of bombs. I can only associate this with the fact that bomb delivery doesn’t require a customer service channel to deal with the complaints about frequent misdelivery.

Artificial intelligence

As has been the case for much of the past 60 years, the field of AI will be on the cusp of a major breakthrough in 2016, expected in only the next 1-20 years’ time. Meanwhile we will continue to look at what autocorrect does with AI and ask the question “How on earth did you think that that was what I wanted to aardvark?”.

The rise of the robots

Robots will be about to put us all out of work throughout 2016. This will continue to be the case in 2017. Meanwhile domestic robotic market leader iRobot (maker of the Roomba) will continue to see its share price rocket to its 2006 launch heights.

Screenshot 2015-12-10 at 09.19.21

MADtech

Marketing and ADvertising technology will continue to talk about it’s intelligent mining of data to precision advertise things that people want to the people that want them in 2016. Much storytelling will be told about how US chain Target once spotted a girl was pregnant.

Meanwhile we’ll continue to wonder if with all this big data intelligence, the only visible manifestation of MADTech in our daily lives is rampant retargeting.  Well, for those of us who haven’t installed ad blocking software.

Millennials

Throughout 2016 we will continue to hear about how Millennials are a completely different species to the rest of us, some strange quirk in evolutionary history whereby an entire generation have been mutated, presumably as a result of all the wifi that they use.

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