There have a been a number of times in my life when I’ve been awaiting the outcome of decisions that will have a major impact on my life, but are outside of my control. Most recently, awaiting school registration for my eldest, moving house, changing jobs, and back in the mists of time awaiting exam results and the like. These times are anxious times. Life feels like it’s come to a cross-roads, and you’re awaiting the green filter light of fate to point to your next direction.

In starting up my own business, I’m coming to realise that these “out of control” decisions are not only becoming the norm but, that to continue to function, I need to be able to simultaneously hold both potential outcomes in my head so that I can keep working on others. As a result I seem to be in this perpetual  Schrödinger state, but across a number of decisions: I’m both planning to win and lose piece of work “A” whilst also doing the same for jobs “B”, “C” and “D”, simultaneously looking out for “E”, “F” and “G”…

To successfully win work I’m certain you need to get yourself into a mental state of thinking you’ll win it. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy one way or another. But to get on and do other things, you also need to discount the others. With the ways corporates are making decisions at the moment, win, lose or “we’re putting it on hold at the moment” are all potential outcomes. The dead/alive cat is positively spinning in it’s grave/cosy cat house…

It’s making me wonder if either a) I’m not really cut out for this entrepreneurial thing because I’m too soft and emotional or b) others hide it really well. I’m also starting to realise why there are a disproportionate number of sub-clinical psychopaths doing well in business, because being detached from my emotions and having a really skewed self-perception would be really handy right now…


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